"Cats Are Definitely Not Man's Best Friend"
As we continued through this monochromatic region, I had Rob scan for more lifeforms. Since there were no points on the horizon to focus on, there was no way of knowing exactly how far we traveled using our own senses. There barely was a horizon, as the flat aluminum nothingness merged with the grey sky full of swiftly blowing clouds. If one could imagine what sensory depravation was, they would have imagined this place.
†o pass the time, we talked and sang songs and generally just tried to keep from going crazy. If not, we would have stared blankly into this black and white place, and would have heard nothing, and would have seen nothing, and would have sensed nothing. It was all a little too eerie to take.
“I have lifeform readings,” stated Rob, suddenly breaking the monotony.
We felt the cart make a slight turn toward the left, as Rob had been instructed to do. “Distance to lifeforms: 6-km.”
“Can you get a sensor reading on them?” I asked.
“Affirmative. Lifeforms are of assorted varieties. They include varieties of flora and fauna including humanoid and others of unknown designation.”
“That could easily be Living Land,” said Cindy.
“If the map is to be believed,” reminded Melissa, “it could also easily be the mystery ‘Li’ Land or even Giant Land if we’re not reading the map properly.”
“A one in three assurance,” stated Rob.
“Or two to one against Giant Land,” smiled Cindy.
“Or a variable factor of three less one that Giant Land is in the opposite direction than the one that we have just traveled. Or even a one against two shot that we will encounter giants instead of lizards, unless of course we encounter giant lizards in which case that would be a one to one chance of lizards since they are indigenous to all three lands, or all four lands if you count the lizards that could have been synthesized in the False Forest, had any been synthesized, but then that would have been three to one against false lizards as opposed to real lizards, wouldn’t it?” rambled Woba Womba.
We all stared at him in disbelieve. His square head craned around to look at us.
“What?” he asked innocently, noting at our blank stares. After a few more seconds of silence, he added proudly, “college education.”
“The only thing I learned from all that,” started Melissa, after a long silence, “is that the other ‘Li’ Land stands for Lizard Land.”
“And since Rob is detecting humanoid and other lifeforms,” continued Lisa, “we can probably rule that out.”
“Affirmative,” stated Rob.
“Good,” said Cindy, “I hate lizards anyway.”
“I detect a long range visual,” announced Rob, “it is a random lifeform.”
“Great! Give us a print out the VI,” I instructed, “Magnification level 5.”
“What’s a VI?” asked Melissa.
“Visual Image. It’s a high powered camera sensor that allows us to see what Rob’s scanners are detecting,” I explained.
Woba stopped so I could dismount. Walking over to Rob, I tore the sheet of paper off from his front panel and began examining it.
The visual showed what looked to be large empty plot of land or a field. It was uniform in its tan color (which was nice to see that it had a color) and covered with shallow ridges. It was dotted with tall, dark trees that were extremely thin and appeared to be burnt; slender black stalks and had no branches or leaves. Occasionally, one or two of these trees were split at the top and branched into two small sections.
“What is it?” I asked, staring at the sheet.
“It is entirely a lifeform,” stated Rob.
“A living field?” stated Lisa, looking at the picture.
“Rob, is this from Living Land?” asked Melissa.
“Unknown. Sensors do detect an abundance of life, though.”
“That must be it,” I decided, “Let’s go on.”
Our little procession rolled onward toward the lifeform readings and Living Land. Soon we saw for ourselves the small dot on the horizon that slowly grew closer and closer. A few times, Woba seemed to pick up the pace in anticipation of our arrival. It took some urging, but I was finally able to slow him down so as not to get too far ahead of the cart and the others.
We came up right to the edge of large green woods. Very green. Tall green trees, twenty feet high, greeted us at the entrance. They were the most unusual trees; slender and flat and didn’t seem to have any kind of bark on them, nor did they have any branches or leaves. They were similar to the trees on the VIs, only these weren’t burnt. Looking up we noticed that once we crossed into Living Land, the grey sky full of rapid moving clouds would turn a brilliant blue with large puffy white clouds drifting lazily by.
As we entered the woods, all color perception once again returned—as did sounds and smells and feels. We heard birds, smelled the flowers, and felt a cool breeze begin to blow against our faces. Living Land was certainly lovely. The only somewhat curious thing about this place was that all we could see were these strange, tall, deep green trees. Soon after our entrance, the ground became very rocky, with large boulders the size of cars!
“Are those real birds?” I asked.
“Affirmative.”
“What kind of trees are these?” pointed Cindy.
“They are members of the Gramineae family,” stated Rob.
“Grass?” questioned Melissa.
“Affirmative.”
“Uh oh,” said Cindy, “I don’t have a good feeling about this.”
“I do,” stated Woba, stopping to take a large bite out of one the stalks. I jumped off of Woba’s back.
“This is grass?” I asked, grabbing hold of one and trying to shake it.
“Affirmative,” stated Rob.
“Either we’re in Giant Land,” stated Lisa, “or someone’s going to get hell for not mowing the lawn.”
“Rob,” started Melissa, waving the print out, “can you now identify this VI?”
“Affirmative. VI is the back of a humanoid hand.”
“Just how tall are we?” asked Cindy.
“We are our normal heights,” stated Rob.
“What she means,” explained Melissa, “is to what scale are we now?”
“Approximately one centimeter.”
“That’s less than half an inch!” translated Lisa.
“Sensors now picking up the sound of galloping paws.”
“Rob, don’t you mean galloping hooves?” corrected Melissa.
“Negative. Galloping paws.”
Our small band of travelers continued through the giant-sized grass. Lisa suggested initiating the Multi-Purpose Protection Field, but Rob pointed out that it wouldn’t be of much use due to our diminished size. With that, Melissa suggested finding a spell that would increase our size to one more suitable to our new surroundings.
Looking through “The Spell Book of Androganine” I found the Enlargement Spell—or at least where the Enlargement Spell would have been. Unfortunately for us, it was on one of the many missing pages and therefore an unusable spell.
“Warning! Large lifeform reading directly in front of us. Closing.”
Before we had a chance to have Rob analyze, we felt a strong hot breeze and smelled the foul odor of rotting fish coming from the lifeform’s direction. It was accompanied by a loud rustling sound.
“Raaaeerr” meowed the large black cat as his face appeared just in front of us.
His head was the size of a small house and his sharp fangs looked five feet long. We came to a dead halt.
“Nobody make a move,” I whispered, “stay absolutely still.”
The cat licked his lips as he slowly inched toward us, crouching low in the grass. His huge eyes, peering at us through the blades, looked like full-length mirrors of death.
“Rob, any ideas?” I whispered, “and before you answer, reduce your audio output levels down to a robotic whisper.”
“Sensors detect the existence of a system of underground tunnels. Entrance to nearest opening: 8-meters at our present scale.”
“All right, then. I’ll fly up and distract the cat, you guys head for the tunnel entrance and go in. I’ll join you soon.”
“Be careful, Larry,” whispered Melissa.
Slowly, I dismounted Woba and attempted my take off. Nothing happened. The ponderous pussy peered hungrily at me.
“Rob, why can’t I fly?”
“Gravitation is stronger in this land and is greatly amplified due to our current sizes.”
“I’ll distract then,” shouted Woba, running ahead.
“Woba, wait!” I yelled.
Too late. He was out of sight.
As we slowly maneuvered in the direction of the tunnel entrance, we heard a distinct “nya nya nya-nya nya” coming from Woba’s direction. He must have been teasing cat for we saw its head disappear into the grass and then heard an array of spitting and hissing noises from the feline.
Coming up to the tunnel entrance, we found it to be a steep hole in the ground protected by a mound of loose dirt about the same height as we were. We could just about fit into the hole, but the cart would have to be left behind.
Rob engaged his flight rockets and lowered himself, feet first, into the tunnel. The girls chose to go head first and followed behind him. They first crawled up the mound of dirt and then into the hole on their hands and knees.
Backing into the hole myself, I called out for Woba. After a few seconds, he came running over to me, out of breath. Right on his heels was the 150-foot hissing and spitting feline; tail fluffed out, back arched, and claws extended.
I quickly headed into the tunnel with Woba close behind. As we headed deeper into the ground, the muffled sounds of the killer kitty became more faint.
After crawling for what felt like a few hundred feet, the slope of the tunnel became too great and we found ourselves sliding downward through the dirt. We landed in a pile of soft spongy matter. Looking around we saw that the tunnel had opened up and was high and wide enough that we could walk upright.
“What is this stuff?” asked Lisa, examining a handful of the soft stuff.
“Bread crumbs, of a rye variety,” stated Rob.
“Fresh?” asked Cindy.
“Who cares,” said Melissa, “If it’s soft, it’s fresh. I’m starving.”
We all munched down a few of the larger crumbs, tearing at them with our hands. When we were all satisfied (but now thirsty) we shoved a few pieces of rye into our pockets for later.
Looking around, we found what looked to be some sort of corridor stretching out in front of us. The walls were lined with candles stuck into the soft soil. The ground was covered with rolls of red carpet.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“1.4-actual meters below the surface,” replied Rob.
“Lifeforms?” Cindy asked hesitantly.
“Affirmative. Large quantities.”
“Identify,” I now asked, hesitantly.
“Formacidae,” stated Rob.
“What’s that,” asked Lisa.
Melissa took a deep breath and then replied, “Ants.”
No comments:
Post a Comment